edin to cy 2010

glistening streets from the snow
like exploding stars when I am high
or pending meteorites spinning
when I am drunk
like that one time
on half a line of ketamine
and I thought the world wore a halo of colours
or my eyes became rainbow,
walking down the quiet streets
at 3am
the wind crinkling my skin
water seeping through and crackling in the soil
life bubbling with remorse
and regret
life longing to be lived right
but knowing that I'll grow up to be a bitter old woman
and lonely
born pessimistic, I will turn into that eventually
no matter how much I wish not to
I am preconditioned
and fate is dragging my feet round the corner
wanting so much for him to be standing there
in front of the door
that I actually expect to see him
and form him there
even when I see he's not
oh boy
am I in trouble
when my core is lying a 5 hours plane ride away
passed out on dry dirty tarmac
with cat piss
and the smell of night
and the taste of killer ouzo
and some honking pervert passer by
so I must be happy here
if only I would write my essays on time,
go to the gym,
eat well
and sleep
and love my boyfriend
like I should
instead of thinking of myself so much,
I could be happy here.


  1. pessimism fades out towards our thirties. it vanishes when we have kids.

    i looove alice in chains. dirt is an all time favorite album and angry chair an all time favorite song! got it on vinyl, imagine. if you know what that is(was) :)

    great blog!

  2. :) Thank you! Already I feel my outlook is changing, I wrote this two years ago and now I try to look at life with as much optimism and love as possible.

    Alice in Chains in vinyl!! :)


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