From summer love to winter cancer
we have slowly been eating life's little ice cream
while it's been rapidly melting away.
I want to write
but my brain has gone to sleep.
I walk around with my heart on my eyes.
I open my mouth to speak but only spiralling bats fly out
with that fluttering silent murmurur.
My love for you is untainted but tinged with
an underlying sadness,
like the soggy base of an otherwise perfect cake.
Nowadays, the dreamy thought of you intersperses
my dark thoughts,
like a shining ray piercing
through stormy clouds.
But soon, it struggles and flickers and shies
behind the greys
when the storm collects its horrible troops again.
For days I sit in my room while it closes in:
I push the walls apart.
In the darkness, I balance on a tightrope
with clumsy feet,
between life and joy and hope
and a plunge into despair.
I push the rug apart and reveal the water.
I take a dive in this ocean of pain
and fish out my emotions.
I draw them out and up to the light
and look at their glistening scales.
I see them struggling for air
and for water.
I hang some to cut up and eat and assimilate later.
I throw some back to grow a bit more.
Look how they change from one day to another.