We are talking about inner freedom.
The ability to see things as they are.
To not hold on to things that
are bound to perish, and fall away
(good things, bad things)
but to be spacious enough to
accept and contain this -
Suffering can be turned to compassion
tightness can become mystery
and I, no more a living being merely
but a space where anguish, fear, grief and anger can be
related to as what they are:
waves in the ocean of body.
What brings you joy?
To trust life, to delve into mystery
knowing that life works itself out.
That's why traveling has always been exciting:
a most direct exercise in creation mechanics.
But what of the one who wishes to grow roots? To find
a community, allow the material aspect of reality to grind
(house, kids, family)
It is the same
principle, only the stakes are higher:
more attachment, more loss, greater sorrow.
The family yogi, the bourgeois yogi,
they have been criticised for staying safe,
wrapped up in th…
Some of us are born into exile. In the beginning, life is this fascinating kaleidoscope of colors, sounds and tastes, and at the same time an unbearable and terrifying assault on our senses. We feel too much, think too much, sense too much, perceive too much. As babies we sleep a lot. They say we are good babies, easy babies. We really just need healing time for the growing brain.
We live out a push-pull relationship with life. On one hand: an attraction to love, a deep longing for connection with Life, an innate curiosity to understand its different parts. An intense desire to belong. On the other hand: threatening energies, incessant soul-wounding, inexplicable fear. A progressive loss of innocence with every foray into the outer world. The inner world is a dark tangled forest we run to, equally scary, equally mysterious but subtler, quieter, seemingly safer.
We watch the adults around us with no concept of the past, no way of understanding they are the product of their own lives…
And what is this thing that we so much want to hold onto after all? The indescribable fear that robs each moment of its sense of adventure, mistaking quicksand under our feet for solid land?
Mother, is it that we didn't fall in love at first sight? God knows we tried.
Up until those tortured, hope-forsaken final days, amid the anger, the tenderness, the terror, the bitter and the human, God knows we tried. Caving in perhaps, broken certainly; we gave it our best shot.
It wasn't easy when you were alive, it's not easy without you. Existence required a justification from me in both cases, despite your best intentions. Once in a while I catch that feeling of being eight again, running around our neighborhood with Savvas, the afternoon stretching out before me in lifetimes. There is nowhere else to be but here, by the side of the road, smelling the lemon blossoms reaching out to me from kiria Sofia's garden. I am caught by surprise by that fragrant sense of freedom. It w…